I have what is, by Washington standards, a VERY easy commute. 10 minutes in light traffic to drop off my daughter, then 5 minutes in even lighter traffic from there to work. So I know I have no right to complain...but even so, this morning I waited through a couple cycles of a light while watching a woman in another car engage in a series of not-quite-dangerous-but-definitely-annoying driving maneuvers. First she blocked the traffic going in the other direction as she tried to swing into her lane from the gas station. She forgot to inch forward when possible, since she was reading the paper. When the light changed, she took up two lanes--as it turned out, because she wanted to get to the right and turn, but no one could have known that since she didn't use her blinker. ARGH! Gee whiz, I thought to myself as she drove off, I hope you...
What? Get a ticket? Nothing she did was illegal or really dangerous. Get in a fender bender? Even in my worst moods, I wouldn't wish that on someone. Do I hope that she has a crummy day, or that she's kept waiting behind some other car on her travels to wherever she's headed?
It's an interesting thing, the human need for revenge--however small we'd like that revenge to be. I suppose it's natural to wish that the person who cut in line at Starbucks later burns their tongue on their coffee, but it's surely not the high road we ought to be taking. And I know that on the days when I'm able to stop myself and turn my wish for minor revenge into a wish for better driving, or a wish for serenity for the impatient line-cutter, I feel as though I'm engaging in the world more in the way I'd like to.
On the other hand, having secret little wishes that we don't act on isn't the worst thing in the world. As a child, my mother (a psychologist) helped me identify aggression toward a friend by imagining that her beautiful blond hair turned green. I didn't DO anything to make it green, and of course it stayed blond, but being aware of the emotion and using my imagination to address it helped me to move on.
Like many things in life, my guess is the answer is about balance. Go ahead and notice when you're annoyed, and when you harbor a secret wish for minor, traffic-ticket-level revenge. Allow yourself just a moment to access that side of yourself, and to acknowledge that you're human, and humans like things to be fair, and you feel that something wasn't (which is often what's behind our minor revenge fantasies, I think: a wish for justice). But then take a deep breath, and remember that part of being human is growth. And see if you can let go of the traffic-ticket fantasy and replace it with a hope for better driving on everyone's part.
Anyway, that's what I'll be doing on my very low-key commute to work tomorrow. Will it work? I'll keep you posted.
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