I stopped this morning for my morning bagel at my usual spot...and saw outside the usual panhandler, bundled up against the cold. My practice is to not give money to panhandlers, but sometimes I offer to pick something up from wherever I'm headed. So that's what I did this morning--"I'm heading to the bagel place. Can I get you a bagel?" "Get me some cake" was the reply.
Of course I switched (in my head) into always-right Mama mode. Cake? You're sitting outside asking for money and you don't want some protein, some vegetables? Maybe a nice egg sandwich?
On the other hand, sometimes I feel like eating cake. So after a confirmation that cake was indeed what he wanted, cake is what I bought him: apple cinnamon coffee cake, because he didn't specify and because I thought that way at least there'd be some fruit.
It's a funny dance we do, reaching out to help those in need but wanting to do it in a way that's consistent with our values, with our needs. And who's to say we're wrong? I offer to buy food because I don't want my money being spent on alcohol, and I think that's fair. I also support homeless services organizations, because I know they're part of the real answer...that even apple cake is never going to solve the problem. (For a good conversation on panhandlers in the DC area, check out Petula Dvorak's column from a month ago, and for information on the very cool Housing First model of homeless services, read this posting from the NYTimes).
Every time I stop for a bagel, I ask myself what the right response is. What I'm realizing is that there might not be one right response, that connecting and helping in a difficult situation might not ask for a right, but just a kind, or a right-for-today, response. Maybe instead of getting caught up in exactly what's right, we should just buy the cake some days and hope that it's enjoyed. It surely won't solve homelessness and panhandling. It might make someone a little happier.
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