Who Am I?

Whenever I get frustrated with something one of my children is doing, my mother gives me great advice: wait a minute. Children change all the time, and just as you think you've figured them out they're doing something entirely different.

But of course adults change too, both in minor ways and very dramatically. I often warn couples I am marrying that they should expect their partner to change multiple times over their marriage--that part of marriage is recognizing the change, looking for the kernel that has stayed the same, and navigating the difference.

I read an article recently about a man who suffered brain trauma after a car accident. It was one of those medical mystery pieces, which I always find intriguing, but the real zinger this time was the wife talking about how after the trauma her husband was a different person. She stated it just as a fact--he was a different person than he had been before. It made me wonder about how we manage the much smaller changes that our partners, and our friends, and our organizations undergo. The changes that WE undergo!

How do we navigate the many different people that we are over a lifetime? And how do we look for, and hang onto, the kernel that is only and always us?