It Takes a Village to Raise a Marriage

Today is my sixth anniversary, and I've been reflecting on what had made it work for us so far. When I officiate at weddings, I often invite the gathered community to offer a congregational blessing or affirmation--to make their own vow, essentially, to support and care for the couple and this new thing, a marriage, that they are creating together. That blessing isn't just a set of pretty words. It's my way of telling the family and friends that they really do have a role to play, and one that doesn't end when the rice is thrown (or in these days of wisdom about hurting birds' tummies, when the bubbles are blown). A couple's community can be so important to the success of their marriage. That's certainly been true in my own life. Our marriage has been strengthened by the date nights we get because people care for our children; by the anniversary cards our parents send us each year reminding us that a year of marriage is worth noting and celebrating; by the talks with friends who listen to our gripes but don't let us sink into them; by the example of relationships we admire and try to emulate. We have felt surrounded by a community rooting for our marriage. I wish we had congregational blessings for everything in life--that we always felt a community around us, saying, "Yes, you are doing a great job working, keep at it!" or "Wow! I see that you are keeping your house up well, and I want to celebrate that you have been doing that for years now." I wish that everyone got anniversary cards, married or not, to honor the years that any human being spends trying to live well and love well. But today I am especially grateful for the community that has supported our marriage. If you have ever been at someone's wedding, remember this: you were part of the creation of something special, something that was chosen and that takes care to maintain. Your witness to that makes you part of the ongoing story of that love, no matter what journey it takes. Care for each other.